This is a story I have been meaning to write down for a very long time. My call to be a missionary, in my opinion, is probably my best story. It’s also my longest and most complicated. That is just how God works with me he likes to speak to me through memories I have forgotten or make it into a big puzzle that comes together to make this amazing answer that only God could have orchestrated. I’m so blessed that God has accepted my cry to be a missionary it took me a while to accept that he was letting me do it. You’ll see.
One of the first weeks of DTS we learned about hearing God’s voice. One of the exercises they have us do is go off by ourselves and ask God three questions. They had picked out the questions for us. Now this was our first time really trying to hear God’s voice. I asked the questions and wrote down what I thought God said. I came to the last question it was what does God want you to do in the future? I prayed and listened and wrote down actor. I knew I felt like he said missionary but I couldn’t believe it. Here is another thing about me I’m ADD and Dyslexic and in my mind to become a missionary you had to do a lot of school and be really smart. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be a missionary that was what I wanted more than anything. I just couldn’t believe God would just say ok go. We also learned about confirmation from others so I prayed and asked God whom he wanted me to ask and pray to confirm my calling. He gave me 4 names my parents, my grandma, my friend Michael, and one of the leaders of the DTS, Matt. I emailed them all and asked them to pray about my calling and tell me what they get. I didn’t give them any more information. I didn’t tell them what I felt God was saying just to pray. They prayed and said things like; You already know believe in the still small voice, you will work with youth, you will be around children, there will be seasons in your life, and go out and make disciples of all nations. I still felt there was more God wanted to say. I waited on Matt forever. I just knew he had the last piece. I knew even when I asked God what people that he would have some thing important to tell me. Finally I caught him one day right after one of our meeting times. I can remember it so clearly we were on the steps he was going down I was going up and we both looked at each other awkwardly. Finally he said he had been meaning to talk with me. He had heard from God about my calling he said that I might not like it. He told me I was called to be a lifetime missionary outside the United States. I have never felt my body just fill with the Holy Spirit like that in my life. I just jumped with joy. I couldn’t stop smiling for so long after that.
After I found I was going to Cambodia I felt like God was saying to just stay longer there. Again I asked for confirmation. One day the whole DTS met together and we were praying over a big map. We had markers, color crayons, clay, and other things to be creative with. I’m really not the artist in the family so I prayed and asked God what he wanted me to do he said go get some clay. I went and got some clay then I said ok now what? He said make a little person. So I made a little person and again I said now what. God said put an L on it and stick it in Cambodia because I want you to stay there. After a while I started wondering, how am I suppose to be helpful in missions, I’m just me? We begin to learn about spiritual gifts and God started to teach me how he could use me because I have his power. He also showed me how he saw me. Before class I had been praying and asking God what gifts he wanted to give me. I heard God say, "I want to give you all the spiritual gifts" I humbly replied with "yah right God that’s crazy." When I went into class they had people stand for the gifts they wanted. Because of what God said I felt I was supposed to stand for all of them. About half way through one of the teachers came and prayed over me and said God wants to give you all the spiritual gifts. I thought wow who am I that God would do that for me. At the end a guy came up and prayed over me he said you may be small but you are mighty, you come in a small package but you are going to do big things. He prophesied a lot of things I was feeling he prayed for boldness. He prayed for my work in the nations. Later that day I was looking through my journal and I found a email from my mom in it she wrote "you may be small but you have a sumo wrestlers size heart" Also in our small groups a couple weeks earlier we were suppose to right a note to each other and mine said "You have a pure heart to God but your faith is strong you are small but you effect is big in God's nation." Then I found on the out side of my journal I wrote on the one of the first days of DTS "I want to be a mighty woman of God." The same guy who prayed over me prayed over me again a couple days later. He prayed and again confirmed my call to the nations. A couple days after that one of my good friends saw a vision of me as a 7ft warrior princess. She said that was how God saw me. God likes to speak to me through puzzles like this when everything comes together at one time but its stuff from before and the future. You never know what God will do.
Once I got to Cambodia I immediately felt like I was home. I think my mother was hoping I would get at least a little home sick but I was home. I loved it there. I told my leaders I was suppose to stay and they told me to just focus on DTS not to think about it. As DTS went on I became even surer I was supposed to stay. As I was having my devotions I was talking with God about how much I loved it in Cambodia and how excited I was to be a missionary. God started challenging me with things like; will you commit to 5 years to Cambodia? That should be easy right? Especially since I was called to be a lifetime missionary outside the U.S., but in reality it just made it become real. I started to really think about it. One thing played on my mind. I know it’s a childish thought but being in YWAM you see so many older women who gave their life to missions and never got married. There are a lot more women then men out in missions. It made me nervous that I might never get married. However I loved the people and my passion grew so deep. God answered my concerns about marriage here is the story how:
One day we were sitting around the dinner table and talking about how we had not seen any birds and how odd that was. We all agreed that we hadn’t seen any of them. The conversation then moved on. A couple days later I was having my devotions on the roof, like normal, I was reading in Genesis 15. In the last half of Genesis 15 it talks about the covenant God made with Abraham and how God asked him to get a heifer, a goat, and a ram each three years old, along with a dove and a young pigeon. The birds really stuck out to me. Then it started to rain so I ran inside to my room. I was going to finish my devotions down there but the song healing rain came on. God said come out in the rain with me. So I went outside and danced in the rain with God and sang with God it was the closest I had ever felt his presence. It was like he was standing right next to me. I don’t know how to explain it but to say I felt like my heart was going to explode with the presence and love of God I felt inside of me. So I decided to ask God a couple of questions He started to answer them so clearly that I had one more question to ask him. Now I was lying on the ground looking up at the sky. The rain had stopped and the sky was clear. I had been wondering if I was ever going to get married. Because I knew God was asking me to stay in Cambodia. So I just asked God "Will I ever get married". All of a sudden a bird flew by. God said, "yes you will get married. I’m making a covenant with you. Like Noah and the rainbow. Like Abraham that you were just reading. You will get married." Then three birds flew by in formation. God said, "every time you see a bird remember my promise." The cool thing about this story is God didn’t have to tell me this. He could have just said I want you to stay and left it at that and I would have done it. But God is so good that he gave me a promise.
As DTS started to come to a close again I told my leaders I was going to stay and commit for 5 years. Probably because I used the words I’m going to stay that’s why they got the concerned looks on there faces but you see God had confirmed it so many times and very much so confirmed it in my heart I had no doubt. They wanted to be sure so they asked me to pray about it, trying to be a good follower or the leadership over me I prayed again. Now another thing about me being dyslexic God very, very rarely speaks to me by telling me a scripture reference. I think this was the only time. So when I prayed and heard Hebrews 6:10. I read; God is not unjust; he will not forget our work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. So God confirmed the call again and in a way he never had before when he didn’t even have to. I knew I was supposed to stay. But God is faithful he wanted me to know he was there and that he will always be there for me.
I have been in Cambodia since 2005 it’s the joy of my life. I still have no doubts that missions is where God wants me to be, well how can you with a story like that? Plus I have peace in my heart when I’m helping people and sharing the love of my Father. God loves the Cambodian people more than I can describe and he is doing huge things there I’m just blessed that God let me be a part of it.
