Interesting exam

Larissa had an appointment yesterday. The appointment was not with a Dr. but with a guy that started doing a thing called Neurolink after he came home from the mission field sick and went the round of Doc, MRI's etc. just like Larissa has. He thinks she has parasites and some mercury poison. His exam was weird but interesting in that he found problems in all the areas we know there are lesions etc. (pods of brain and liver) He talked about how the body goes into a cycle where it can’t produce energy. His description of this cycle is exactly what Larissa is going through. Please pray that this is not just another dead end. Larissa is trying to not hope because there’s been too many let downs in the past. He thinks he can have her functional again in 3 to 4 months. Once her system starts working again she won’t need any special medications, which would be wonderful since she wants to head back to the mission field. He calling what’s happening Mitochondrial dysfunction, but unlike mitochondrial disease he says it can be cured. (Mitochondrial disease is what Pam Sligh’s doctor specializes in and is Larissa’s next appointment)---Ruth

The birthday wish (Oct. 7th)

(it's been a while...sorry) The week before Larissa's birthday I started praying that she would have that one day free from headaches. Every day Larissa is in pain, I thought it would be a nice birthday gift for her to have a day off. Unfortunately it didn't happen. By the time her birthday came she had been without sleep for 36 hours, she goes through these periods of time when she just can't sleep, they always make her much sicker. The day before her birthday she had a melt down. She tried to go to the college 20's group but ended up crying in the bathroom and so Cari (who has been an incredible sister) took her to a movie to cheer her up. We went to Melting pot for the birthday dinner and Larissa leaned on me and moaned, her headache was so bad and then she apologized for her break down the day before. Bless her heart, I know I'd be melting down a lot more if I was sick for as long as she has been. This whole thing was really hard on me. I don't understand why we are going through all this. I don't understand why we can't have some relief. God has to be doing something good, it's just really hard to see right now.

Glorious day?

One thing I have wondered about is we sing “one day he is coming, oh glorious day” isn’t that kind of selfish? We walk around seeing people walking down the street next to us; we have neighbors that don’t know Christ, it isn’t going to be a glorious day for them. For us, yes, what an amazing, wonderful day to finally see God’s face, to be in his presence and to kneel before him. But for our neighbors or coworkers what a horrible dreaded day that will be and shouldn’t we take some responsibility for that? When we sing songs about that glorious day do we even think about what it will be like for the non-believers?---Larissa

Sunday

Today I went to church and yet again I cried. I used to be the type of person that never really cried. Well that’s not really true I am as tough as nails when it comes to pain. No one really knows how much pain I’m really in or how sick I actually am, but when it came to others suffering I cry or even for just a good sappy movie. I also always skip the anger stage and go right to crying. But going through years of sickness, not knowing if you are going to get better and longing for the amazing life you had is hard. Well in church today first of all I was having a bad sick day but I went anyways. At church 3 things were just casually brought up and that’s all it took and I started to tear up. The first was during worship. It was a song about the joy in going to heaven. For someone like me that brings up weird emotions: joy and fear. The second was missions I miss it with all my heart. The third was children. I have this fear that I’m going to be sick for the rest of my life and I won’t have the strength to have kids. But even with all the fears God is there and his plan is what is best. God gives me his peace when I really need it. A couple days later he gave me a song, “Praise you in this storm” by Casting Crowns. It talks about God holding my tears and a lot of other things that really helped.---Larissa 

Larissa's thoughts

First of all I would like to thank everyone who is praying for me. You have no idea how much it means to me, the amount of support I have from everyone. I wanted to tell how this sickness has affected me. One of the hardest things for me is that the sickest takes away my personality. I can’t be me. I don’t have the energy to be the energetic active person that I am. Before I was the one planning get togethers and creative things to do. I would run around and talk to everyone. Now its like I’m a fly on the wall I have to hang on my little sister’s arm so I don’t fall over and even just talking to people takes so much energy that it seems like I have one fourth of my old personality. It’s hard not having people see the real you. But I think the number one thing that is the hardest with the sickness is feeling like you’re not an effective servant. I went from being a missionary leading a school with around 500 students to pretty much laying in my bed all day. I got the privilege of witnessing to those students every day, it was amazing. I know I’m sick for a reason and God can use it. It’s just hard I want to go out and witness to people but I don’t have the strength. During worship time at church a lot of times I don’t even have the strength to raise my hands to praise him the way he deserves to be worshiped. I know God has a plan and that is the only thing that gets me through. I just want to be used.   ---Larissa    

Larissa goes to school

Larissa met me at the bottom of the stairs on Tuesday. She's having another bout of not being able to sleep at night and since she couldn't sleep she wanted to go to school with me. She did really well although the walk between my two classrooms was really hard for her. Last year she was able to walk that distance fine but now I have to support her and she was shaking when she gets there. It's always a blessing to have her share with my students about Cambodia. Most of my classes were finished up a "getting to know you" exercise but my 7th period class was done so they asked Larissa a bunch of questions about Cambodia. I think it's so healthy for them to realize that so much of the world has so little. Larissa also wrote "rain" in Khmei on my whiteboard and told all the classes about her special "God" times worshipping in the rain.
 Larissa is having a hard time right now, feeling the weigh of passing time and having nothing to do but stay at home. She will be sick for days in payment for going to school with me but there are times she just has to, for her emotion/mental health, get out. I was so grateful to have her with me.

Aug.25th Same old, same old

The weeks following the wedding have been hard. Larissa has not been out of the house in quite some time. She said yesterday that she is having trouble just getting herself from the couch/bed to the restroom. However last night she joined us at the table for dinner and had her Larissa sense of humor with her. We are still working on Doctors number 23 and 24 but there are lab test to be done, lot of lab tests first. We are still waiting on our PCP for when and where to go for the appointments and labs.